Much has been said of the need to communicate effectively,
it is perhaps of man's innate nature to communicate, after all no man is an
island. Communication is not only limited to the professional setting but in our every day lives, even as we interact with our friends and family. Communication therefore is a skill that we all have to master in our lives.
As a toddler, had Usian Bolt stopped training as soon as he learned to
walk he probably wouldn't be the fastest man alive today.
Likewise knowing how to communicate is not enough , the key
is to learn how to communicate effectively.
I remember vividly a badminton game I had with a friend.
From the way he served the shuttlecock, i already knew I had the game in the
bag. Similarly when communicating, people can usually tell what kind of a
conversation they are getting themselves into from your opening lines. We want
the first few words that come flowing out of our mouth to be refreshing, unique
and special. We want our audience to be captivated and recognize how insightful
we are.
Last Semester during a tutorial for one of the Singapore
studies module, I was seated amongst the history majors, we were told to discuss
in our small groups on why the development state model for Singapore was an apt
one; that drove me absolutely crazy because everyone felt like they had to
prove it in 30 words or less. I was no exception and I hastily rushed an
explanation. Needless to say i made a complete fool out of myself. But I took
away an important lesson that day; if it doesn't make any sense in your head it
probably sounds a lot worse out loud.
Communication is a two way process with a speaker and a
listener, but more often than not the focus is usually on the speaker. But for
communication to be truly effective, the listener plays a vital role as well.
Last January I attended a friend's 21th birthday party. At
the party I noticed one of my friend engaging in a very lively conversation
with an individual he had just met. When it was time to call it a night I asked
him if they had hit it off. He told me that it was probably one of the more
engaging conversation he has had in a long time. Curious on who the other party
was I went on to ask questions about her, but to my surprise he knew nothing
about her; where she was from, where she studied, absolutely nothing!
"Then what did you talk about?" i questioned.
"err... about me?" he answered bashfully, perhaps
only realising then that he had been the focus of attention the whole time. "She
listened to what i had to say and we carried on from there...".
I learnt two things that night, the importance of making the
audience the spotlight and the importance of listening. Indeed, when we take
our time to listen fully instead of trying to compose an immediate response is
that when we do respond we are more able to give a suitable answer. What we say
when do is proof of how well we have listened.
Your examples really brought out the essence of what you were trying to express. It is so true that sometimes we are so self-absorbed that we forget the importance of listening. Now that we know that we neglect its importance at time ,I hope that from now on, we can make a conscious effort to make it happen. Along the way, sometimes we might lose focus, but friends are there to help each other along the way and i am sure that we can count on each other to help make each of us effective communicators!
ReplyDeleteI agree that sometimes we have to have someone to point out our mistakes to us. I believe there is a Chinese saying: The side observer has a clearer view. Forgive the loose translation but my point is, sometimes people on the outside can see things better than we do.
DeleteYour post is indeed insightful and the use of many real-life examples made it even more interesting to read. :)
ReplyDelete“What we say when do is a proof of how well we listen."
I think this short statement you wrote aptly describes how communication is a two-way interaction that consists of a speaker and a listener. Just like it takes two hands to clap, communication only happens when we have a speaker and a listener (or an audience).
How well we listened during a simple conversation sheds light on how genuine we are and how we speak reflects our characters and composures. As we all agree that communication is a two way interaction, communication would then also serve to show what kind of person we are.
Because speaking and listening is what we do all the time, we tend to play down the significant roles that they play in our everyday life. Through this module, I hope that we will realise how simple things like speaking and listening well can truthfully reflect our strengths and abilities.
I completely agree with you that we tend to ignore the way we listen and speak because they occur so naturally to us. I hope that through this module, we can learn and unlearn communication skills so that we can tap on it to bring us to greater heights.
DeleteYour examples made reading this post very engaging. I also like the analogy between Bolt's training and the fact that we too have to train ourselves to communicate effectively. I agree with you that we should take our time to think of our responses so that we do not give a rash or unintended response. It is good that we are required to reply/comment on our coursemates' post because this way we are trained to craft, organise and reread our thoughts before making them public.
ReplyDeleteI never actually noticed that we should make our audience the spotlight until I read your post. This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend. I went on and on explaining to her something I was passionate about, but I did not bother stopping even though I could clearly read that she was bored. A point to remember during my future conversations!
Ha-ha, yes indeed we should always take the time to craft our response. The last thing we want to portray to others is an uninspired reply, while typing out my blog post I do tend to spend an absurd amount of time redrafting them, but I think the time is worth it given that the result would be more in tune to what I have in mind. hmm, I do not think you are alone in that matter, I think our society is innately self-centred and we tend to focus on ourselves most of the time , but its great knowing that we should focus on others as well.
Delete"If it doesn't make any sense in your head it probably sounds a lot worse out loud."
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more with that sentence! From my perspective at least, I find that I always have a problem speaking out my thoughts. When listening to class discussion, an idea pops into my head to make a good reply. But the moment I open my mouth to say it out, it comes out in a jumble of words that often leads to confusion! And I'll be sitting there thinking, why can't they just read my mind and instantly know what I want to say from my point of view!
"How to put your thoughts into spoken words"
Is probably going to be an unlikely class session we would have here. But I find that this is probably the biggest problem I face in communicating in class. I often have to practice in my head a few times on what exactly to say. And by the time I'm done, the discussion has moved off in a different direction. Perhaps I just lack the wits to discuss over content that is new to me. However, I don't seem to have the problem when I'm in a casual conversation with friends.
But I feel the second half of your blog post, illustrates quite effectively the pains of having to go through 'small talk'. Asking the same questions just to different people. Like why can't we effectively break the ice and speak to each other in a comfort level befitting for old friends! But that would probably also fall under the title of unlikely class sessions: "How to talk to anyone like you've known each other for years"
Hi Isabel,
DeleteI do not think you are alone in this matter! I too have this problem of conveying what I mean to the intended party. I feel like I am able to better pen my thoughts down than to speak it out. Do you feel the same way? Or perhaps it’s just me. That’s why during the peer teaching I would always take a piece of paper out to write out comments as they present so that I can better comment on their performance.
Well, the ability to make small talk is a skill that we should all learn I guess. Perhaps they could make it into a module. Ha-ha.
Yechuan you have exactly the kind of insight I love to see in youth today- excellent post. The examples you've included drive home the point you're making very well. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThank you Dr Radhika ! It really means a lot coming from you. I guess everyone has a story to tell, having been alive and seeing so many things around us. But I guess the difficult part is to give it a “moral of the story”.
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